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when i think about the word ‘regret’

“We all do things we desperately wish we could undo. Those regrets just become part of who we are, along with everything else. To spend time trying to change that, well, it’s like chasing clouds.” – Libba Bray

When I think of regret or regretting, I think of time spent looking at how we could do what’s already been done, just differently. To regret is, in a way, meaning to me that we are redefining the actions that we have taken. We are second guessing how we reacted, either under pressure or with a limited timeframe to think thoroughly and then perhaps that thorough-ization might have lead to taking a different measure. It is something that has been brought on by the conscious notion of knowing that we could have done better, but didn’t.

“Given certain circumstances, if things were just a little more leveled, I could have done this, or if I just had that little extra something I could have done that.” as some similar notions and sentences are thought or uttered under embarrassed and ashamed breaths, so we cross the threshold of understanding ourselves differently.

Yes, we could have done better. And yet, we still carry the regrets and the alternate timelines crossing our minds. We tell ourselves that we could have done all sorts of things, but we never did. There is no way to undo what has been done, but there are ways to make peace with ourselves and trust that we did all we could in those moments that were given to us. Of course, it seems cliche to say but, sometimes, honestly and truly, it is alright to allow ourselves to have been enough in the moment that was given. We can cringe at ourselves and shake our heads, but it is alright to allow yourself to have been enough.

The past follows us and circles us when we tend to look upon it, and there will always be things that tug at us and haunt us. Eventually, it is important to know that things are how they are, for better, for worse, for perfectly still–everything is as it is.

We can hope for a better tomorrow and we can try our very best.

I often tell myself that there is always something to learn from everything that happens to us. Whether our circumstances are impacted by words or decisions that we’ve made or that others have made, what can be done except take it, sit with it, and allow it to make you feel how you need to feel in order to move on from it. It is no easy task.

When we reach the point in our lives to take up the space we know we desire and long for, what stops us is our fear, our projections of rejection and all the other stuff. So, what do I do about it? I push forward. I tell myself that being told ‘no’ will have been better than being told nothing, and doing the thing that I really want to do for myself will have been better than staying in the ‘wanting’ phase. I think this can easily apply to any and every aspect of life.

To regret? I think that in order to regret, we must have learned something about ourselves or the situation in order to feel how we are in those moments that come after our actions. To regret is to learn. There are ways to make it a little easier on ourselves, but at the end of the day all that will matter is how we took that experience and moved forward with it. You’re a person, at the end of the day. People make mistakes, but most importantly is how we learn from them.

Tiffiny Rose Allen is a writer and poet. Originally from the state of Florida, she started writing at an early age and self-published her first collection of poetry Leave The Dreaming To The Flowers at the age of 18. Her poetry is eclectic in portraying her views of the different aspects of life. When she is not somewhere writing, she is either creating something with her hands or working on anything and everything that excites her. You can find more of her work on Instagram @dreamsinhiding.writing or on her website

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